To My Friend Who is Angry at God

Some deeply painful event happens in your life. Sometimes, it’s something you did. Sometimes, it’s something somebody else did to you. And, sometimes, there are no explanations. There’s a difficult diagnosis, or a tragic car accident, or a wildfire caused by lightning that destroys your home. There’s no one to blame. You pray. You seek God’s healing work, but it doesn’t happen. One day, you wake up realizing that all of this sounds unfair, and you are angry. Angry at anyone. Angry at everyone. And, for sure, angry at Jesus.

A couple of things I know with certainty. First, you are not the first person to be angry with God. Second, He can handle your anger. Any casual reading of the Bible will reveal these two truths. So, what do we do with that anger?

To My Friends Who Lost Their Child

There are no words. You’re living every parent’s worst nightmare. And I’m not going to pretend that my words will change your grief, but I do hope they encourage you. I can express my empathy and grief for you, but there are no words that help. I understand that. I ache with you and for you. I also understand that there are a lot of words that don’t help.

I see your loss, and I acknowledge that losing your child is life-altering. So much so that this loss will color everything—how you see yourself, each other, and God. Everything.

Losing a child must be the hardest of all other kinds of grief. Grief is hard for every person. And it’s not a comparison. But I also recognize that there’s something particularly painful about losing your child.

To My Friend Who is Thinking About Suicide

When you asked to meet, I didn’t know what to expect. You said, “I’ve been thinking seriously about suicide. Life has become too much pressure and offers too many choices and an overwhelming amount of stress and sadness that I’m not sure how to handle.” I cried. You cried. I was so taken with emotion I’m not sure exactly what we talked about in the rest of that conversation. But I can say I’m deeply thankful you reached out.

I’m heartbroken for you. I won’t tell you that your pain isn’t real. It is. I won’t tell you that I can fix everything. I can’t. I won’t tell you that faith in God makes pain and depression go away. That would be a lie.

Being a Christian does not make you immune to pain, despair, or depression any more than it makes you immune to disease or physical death.

To My Pastor Friend who is Suppressing the Hurt and Trauma of Church Leadership

Most pastors experience primary and secondary trauma. In fact, recent studies indicate that you and I might be at least as likely to be affected by PTSD as combat veterans, police officers, firefighters, and disaster recovery workers. Not that I equate my job with the physical courage theirs do. I want you to know that there is never shame in seeking help for this.